the dream of me

pass it on

2011-08-18T20:09:00.003-07:00

My job has me traveling a lot. Sometimes I get to travel for fun, but mostly for work. My usual routine is to park at the USAirport parking lot and take the shuttle to the terminal. It's kind of a long shuttle drive so I take that time to catch up on emails or news via my BlackBerry. I'm usually so wrapped up in my own little world that I pay no attention to the passengers getting on the bus...or to my belongings.

On Wednesday, I was taking that same shuttle ride catching up on the internet. My car keys never made it to my purse. I must have sat them in my lap and quickly got on my phone. My airline was the first stop and I was in a hurry to get my bag checked. I'm riding up the escalator and I happen to look back and see a fellow passenger waiving my keys at me. I looked at him and yelled "YES!" I couldn't believe he chased me down to get me my car keys. He must have noticed me on the shuttle because I certainly hadn't noticed him. What a relief!

On the train ride from security to my gate, I saw a young couple with a 3 month old baby and a ton of luggage. They got off at the first stop and I noticed they had left a small bag. I started to yell at the gentlemen that he left something and he turned around and was able to get it off the train before the door closed. Turns out it was the baby's milk! How funny was it that I was able to "pass it on" just moments after a nice gentleman waived me down to give me my car keys.

I started thinking about how many opportunities I have missed in the past to "pass it on." And it's only looking back that I realize I missed that chance. When something nice or lucky happens, most don't think "how will I be able to pass this nice gesture or good luck on?" I hope I have many more opportunities to "pass it on" and even more so hope that I start a "pass it on" string myself.

"you should learn how to unplug"

2011-08-03T17:15:00.004-07:00

I was working in Colorado Springs today and decided to go to Chipotle for lunch. When I go out for lunch during work it's usually alone. I'm used to eating alone and can find plenty to keep me occupied with either a book, computer, or my phones. Yes, phones...plural. I have a work phone and a personal phone. There are plenty of lunches where I'll just work straight through because as long as I have my work phone and computer I can work anywhere.

So I'm sitting there enjoying my lunch with both phones laying on the table. I had just finished checking my gmail on my personal phone and was in deep thought on how to respond to a different email just received on my work phone. Mr. Doesn't-Know-How-To-Mind-His-Own-Business decides to come up to me and say, "you should learn how to unplug," all while invading my bubble and pointing at my two phones. I'm eating alone at Chipotle! What does this guy expect me to do? Sit there and stare at my food during my entire lunch break? He probably thought he was doing me a favor by indiscreetly telling me to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile. Instead he embarrassed me. I suddenly felt everyone staring at me whispering to their lunch partners "look at that girl and her two phones!"

friends...best friends

2011-08-01T19:37:00.002-07:00

I'm a little nervous about posting this blog...actually, very nervous. Here goes nothing.

I’m not that great at keeping friends. Mostly because I have moved around a lot and we just lose touch. But sometimes it’s because I just suck. I remember one friendship I had in high school. She was a best friend! We were complete opposites who complimented each other and it just worked. Sometime after high school we decided to be roommates. Six month later our friendship was destroyed by some disagreements and the inability to talk things out. We were horrible to each other. Most of all, I remember being horrible to her. I hadn’t quite grown up yet and was still in a pretty immature party stage. She was a single mom and had a lot of responsibility on her hands. It took six years before we were able to make up and put things behind us. We became friends again. I was even invited to her wedding and flew in from Phoenix to be there. I love her dearly now and respect her so much for all she has overcome and accomplished. She is a wonderful mother, a graduate, and has a career as a nurse. Jenny, I am so sorry for the pain I caused you ten years ago. If I could go back, there are so many things I would have done differently. Had I known what I know now, my words and actions would have been very different. I am so grateful to call you a friend now.

Fast forward a few years and you find me just finishing up college. My long time college roommate turned best friend was talked into adding a third roommate. From actions all my own, I chased out this third roommate (that’s a whole other post though). We still had about four months left on the lease and needed a third roommate quick. She and I had met on roommates.com so we put out an ad. She left the decision making up to me and I chose wrong. Way wrong! That new 3^rd roommate ended up being the devil. She and I were both so miserable with this horrible person living with us. I had an opportunity to get out and I took it. My big regret…leaving her alone with this monster of a roommate. I was able to get another trusted friend to sublet my spot so she had some protection in the home, but that does not excuse my actions of abandoning my best friend. I don’t know how she ever forgave me. We never really talked it out so I’m not sure she ever really did. Kerry, words can’t describe the regrets I have from that whole situation. Hindsight is 20/20 and I should have taken more care in choosing a housemate for us. My careless consideration put us both in jeopardy and my cowardly abandonment put a strain on our relationship and destroyed some trust you had in me. I beat myself up thinking about how I did you wrong and will spend forever trying to make it up to you. I care about you so much. I know we don’t keep in touch as much as we should, but not a day goes by that I wouldn’t call you a best friend of mine.

This whole blog entry stems from a contact I tried to make to an old best friend from middle school. She and I were inseparable! Everyone associated us together and the only thing that came between us was me moving out of state in the 8th grade. This girl has crossed my mind so many times over the past 15 years and I’ve always wondered how she ended up. I found her on Facebook and immediately added her as a friend. Turns out she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me! I was shocked. I couldn’t think of a reason why. All I could remember was that we had a falling out in the late 90’s and lost touch. But she remembers a very different story. I know my family wasn’t too fond of her and my high school boyfriend at the time had a few negative opinions of her. But I don’t remember what I did. She mentioned a few horrible words and judgmental comments that I made, but I honestly do not remember saying those things. I think if she knew who I was now that we would get along very well. I sent her a response apologizing for what I did to her and admitted to not remembering. I must have done something so unforgivable for her to react to my friend request that way. Bree, I never meant to cause you harm and sincerely apologize for hurting you the way I did. We remember our friendship very differently and I would never had tried to reach out to you had I known you didn’t want anything to do with me. My heart was in the right place when I contacted you and I never meant any trouble. Please know that my heart broke this afternoon when I realized your hatred towards me. It’s my only hope that forgiveness can be obtained somewhere down the road. Friendship is on your terms, but forgiveness is all I ask for now.

Needless to say I’ve been known to be a crappy friend. However, I don’t feel like I am that terrible of a person today. Today, I would bend over backwards for people I care about. Today, my feelings are put on hold when it comes to pleasing others and making loved ones feel good. Lessons have been learned from my past mistakes and that is why you see me as I am now. It’s hard to admit my faults and publish my mistakes to the world. I just pray that my character isn’t damaged by this post, but rather the compassion I have for others today and the acceptance I desire comes through in my blog. I have a soft conscious and nothing makes me happier than to see others happy. My friendships are important to me and I wouldn’t be alive without some of them. Thank you to those who have stuck by me through the bad times. I hope I can be the right friend and support my current friends need. I hope to never hurt anyone. I’m here for my friends. You can trust me, you can rely on me, you can ask me for help. I need my friends to get through life and I will never take you for granted. Never.

Arrogant Christian

2011-07-23T17:54:00.004-07:00

If someone asks what religion I am, I proudly say Christian. I am not the most knowledgeable Christian in that my theology is not that strong. But from what I do understand, I believe and love and am grateful to be a follower of Christ. To me being a Christian is loving people. Putting others before yourself. Showing compassion, concern, and understanding for others' feelings and beliefs without judging, criticizing, or belittling them. There are extremist in every religion. I personally associate the word extremist with negative cogitation because the word is used so often when talking about the war on terror. However, I do not associate the blog I reference below with the war on terror.

I know a Christian extremist. Not a violent extremist, but an arrogant one. You can't argue with this individual. You can't voice your own opinion without him making you feel like you're wrong. Actually, if you were debating with him and you suddenly started to feel put down, he would simply say "well, you can't come up with anything to prove me wrong because you know that I'm right." I'll give this extremist a little credit. He's very very theologically smart. He knows a lot about the Bible and Christianity. But his extremist take on the belief is the stereotypical reason non-Christians don't like Christianity. He ends a blog post with: "You call yourself a Christian? Act like it." Well, I don't think this blog post shows love, kindness, understanding, or compassion for people. I am curious what you think...is he acting like a Christian?

Blog in reference:
http://reformant.blogspot.com/2010/09/cloud-of-ambiguity-defining-terms.html

our love

2011-07-10T19:50:00.003-07:00

This is still a work in progress and I will update when complete. I had two years to write a love song and it finally came out of my brain.

Song: Our Love

It's a tricky thing
How my mind knows the answer
But my hearts sings a different tune
Blowing my mind in a direction
That I can't say "no" to

Oh babe, remember our love
All the good times and the great times
Forget our troubles
We've come too far
For us to stumble

Chorus:
Our love
It's gotta go
Whether it's right or it's wrong
It's gotta go somewhere
Our love
No matter which way it goes
It's gonna go
Oh it's gonna go strong

Mark from Tucson, AZ (so his name badge said)

2011-05-27T17:15:00.001-07:00

On the way to the hotel, an interesting gentleman driving the shuttle bus proceeded to tell me and one other individual his life story and current struggles. He’s the only 30 year professional musician who moved to Nashville, but never wanted to break into the music business. He’s played everything from folk to rock. Last summer he was playing five nights a week at Yellowstone Park. He’s played PGA tournaments in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and LA. About a year ago his wife lost her career job. You see she was middle management making $60K/year and when all the companies started going bankrupt she lost her job. All these young people had come in and to do the same work for only $30K/year so they laid off all the middle management people. “So, 20 years from now when you’re making $60K/year and you lose your job to some young person…” (That’s when someone else came on the bus and he had to help them with their bags. I wonder what the rest of that sentence would have been.) He and his wife still have a home in Phoenix if anyone wants to buy a house, a nice house. Short sell even! But don’t worry about him. He and his wife work for a great hotel in Nashville, TN (Gaylord Opryland Hotel). It’s the most service oriented hotel! They even send you a survey through email right after your stay. And they want you to be honest when you answer.

I understand that the economy over the past four years has really troubled the middle class. I feel for Mark and his wife and all they have gone through. I know his age group was hit especially hard. After 20 to 25 years of experience these two were let go of the only jobs they’ve ever known. At that age it’s hard to start a new career and most times those individuals are not qualified the same way the “young people” are. I am fortunate to have a job. I was one of the “young people” that came into a company, but I most certainly did not take someone else’s job. I took an entry level position and worked my way up. In a way I was offended by his assumption that someone like myself had a job at the expense of someone like his wife. He did apologize for being a downer. I never responded to anything he said, but looked and listened as he spoke. I think that’s all he wanted was for someone to just listen. When he talked about his music career he was very proud. I believe as long as Mark gets a chance to keep playing those gigs, then he’ll be doing all right. And what better place than Nashville.

You Have A Pretty Face

2011-04-12T23:03:00.006-07:00

You have a voice like an angel
Full of passion and pride
But your body doesn't match
Who you are inside

You're so kind and caring
Always putting others first
So why can't I see that
In what matters most

Lets go for a run or a hike
or a swim
Lets whip you in shape
Get you nice, firm, and trim

Shave a little off the thighs
And a touch off the calves
Flatten that stomach and
Cut that flab in half

Don't you want to look better
Feel healthy and fit
We'll do a boot camp
To get you started with it

Cut out the sugar, meat
And ice cream
Become the woman
I always pictured in dreams

If you don't want to change
Your body for me
I'll settle for what I've been
Forced to see

You have one thing going for you
I must say
Nice eyes and smile
You have a pretty face

a blog

2009-07-14T19:16:00.006-07:00

I started writing in a blog when I was in high school. Most of the posts were simple teenage girl poems and me venting about my parents, friends and works. The blog continued onto college where the poems evolved into a more reflective tone and less of a woe is me. Although, the occasional emo tune was posted every now and then. When I started this blog, I thought I could make it more opinionated and I could respond to events that occurred in my life or public current events. But the more I think about what I want my blog to be, more I realize it's my personal place to publish. It's my venue for songs, poems and beginnings of books I'll never finish. It's where I can put old pieces and new pieces. Pieces I love and pieces my readers may hate. There will be several upcoming posts of things I have written long ago, but with a preface so you'll understand why it was written and what point I am trying to get across.

So to kick off my new blogging approach, here is my all time favorite piece of poetry I have written. It was written in 2008. So many times throughout your day you will put on a face. A face of courage or hope or respect or confidence. But at the end of the day, you are emotionally drained from trying so hard to make everyone think you are something you're not. Something you wish you could be. I was at that dropping point when this was written. HOWEVER, I have now regained my confidence and courage!

A Crooked Tree
I wish I could say I was as strong as a tree
With big strapping branches and roots underneath
I wish I could say when the wind blows hard
My leaves rustle around but I stand tall.

Instead I have to admit the facts
That my limbs feel weak and my trunk is cracked
When the weather shrieks I tend to lean down
For now I stand a crooked tree on the ground.

a poem

2009-07-07T22:04:00.004-07:00

Time Dealt a Heart Grown Cold

Unpleasant whispers
shape a cold heart
into a jagged knife
that pierces the soul

As time goes by
the hole grows large
and words once spoken
are left as scares

What happened
to the tender heart
that felt of warmth
and comfort and hope

It was left behind
with tear filled eyes
as time dealt
a heart grown cold

--BMD

Whisper

2009-06-25T12:15:00.004-07:00

I started writing this song last year and never finished it. I actually have several unfinished songs. This one is called Whisper.

If I whispered in your ears while you were sleeping
Would you remember what I said to you
If I called you baby
Would you know who I was talking to

If I said I love you darling
Would it get lost in your dreams
Or would you wake up the next morning
And say the same to me

i love ny

2009-06-16T20:08:00.010-07:00

I got to see my baby niece over the weekend. She is so precious and I love seeing her. When I was in NYC the previous weekend, I picked up a souvenir for her.

May I present the charming Miss Jadyn Miller Delgado.

my body

2009-06-16T19:26:00.002-07:00

I listen to every word
I feel every tone
Your opinion means more to me
Than you'll ever know

Nothing you could ever do
Could make me change
The way I feel about you.

But when it comes
to how you see me
There's a picture perfect way
You want me to be

Well, I'll never be quite tan enough
I'll always have a problem spot
My skin won't be completely smooth
But I'm happy with what I've got

Put yourself into my world
How would you feel?
If the most important person to you
Said your body could break the deal.

running

2009-05-26T17:29:00.005-07:00

I'm a runner. I think I can officially say that compared to my running ability just one year ago. One year ago, the most I could run was 2 minutes at a time without having to take a break. Now a one mile run is like a walk in the park. My usual work out consists of at least a one to two mile run and then maybe some weights. But always first a run. My only races thus far are a 5K run for breast cancer and an 8K run for the Scottsdale Performing Arts. Below are some pictures with my running mate, Jaime. If I had the time, I think I could run every single day. Although it is boring, I do enjoy it and feel like I've gotten a pretty good work out every time. With the weather getting much warmer in Phoenix, I doubt I will be running any more big runs anytime soon. But I do look forward to my next one, whenever that may be.

8K Night Run in May 2009
I was so excited to have finished this run! It was a pretty big accomplishment for me.

5K Walk for Hope (breast cancer) in October 2008
Jaime and I ran the 5K, but there was a group that walked.

my seattle (work) adventure

2009-05-14T18:33:00.012-07:00

Work had me traveling to Seattle this week. It's so green! Yes, it rained. But it was actually sunny about half the time too. I've been working with the Seattle Auditor so I'm not alone. We got out of work at 4pm today and I had time to be tourist. Below are some pictures!

Pikes Place where they throw the fish. The market was wonderful with tons of fresh flowers, produce and seafood.

Watch out for the Monkfish!

Me in front of the first ever Starbucks. I'll take a Tall Soy No Water Chi please.
This is one of the most scariest things I have ever seen. It's the Fremont Troll and he lives under the bridge. It was made as part of a community art project.
That's a hubcap for an eye and he's holding a real VW bug in his hand.

The view from Gas Works Park.

I think I could live here.

upsy daisy

2009-05-03T13:45:00.002-07:00

This weekend I heard the story of the cracked pot:

A water bearer had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

The story was very inspiring to me. It reminded me that even though I have flaws, perhaps they can be used for good in some way or another. I may not know what that is yet, but I am content in knowing everything in my life has happened for a reason.

The reason for the title upsy daisy is because the speaker I heard that told the story of the cracked pot mentioned that so many times in our lives we fall down and God has to pick us up and say "upsy daisy, there you go." This part really hit home for me. I don't know how many times in my life I felt like I have hit rock bottom, only to eventually be up and running again. And then I have to look back and figure out why I experienced that and what I can learn from it. Life is so full of lessons. I should have started writing them down years ago.

some people

2009-04-26T16:30:00.006-07:00

So I arrived way too early at the airport today. I searched around for a spot with power so I could jump on my laptop to pass the time. My battery was low though and all the spots near power were taken...except one. There were a woman and her daughter sitting next to an empty seat, but all their things were on the empty seat. I politely walked up to the woman and asked if anyone was sitting there. She gave me a not-so-pleasant look, said no, and moved her things. I sat down and then heard her say to her daughter, "I should have said no." I pull out my laptop, plug in, and prepare to sit and wait for a good hour. I couldn't help but overhear the woman and her daughter's conversation. The daughter had just dropped the f-bomb and her and her mother were laughing. The daughter was talking about her principal and how she thought he was on acid or some other drug. I thought to myself, when is it ever appropriate for a high school student to say the f-word in front of their parents let alone talk about drugs like acid. On a side note, I think the woman might be on drugs because she can't freakin sit still. Her foot has been obnoxiously moving up and down the entire time I've been sitting here. So the whole f-word said by the young daughter wearing far too much eye making and styled with two-toned hair reminded me of a time I got my mouth washed out with soap. But not for saying a word like that! I'm not sure that my mom would even remember this, but the two times I tasted the flavor of soap was when I said the words "shut up" and "stupid" one too many times. I think I was in junior high. What on earth would my mother had put in my mouth if she heard the f-word come out at 14 year old! I don't even want to know.

So not only was the misguided teen speaking inappropriate language at far too young an age, but the mother was dressed in what looked like a sports bra top/swimsuit top that showed all the tattoos on her boobs and revealed her mid drift. They then began to make horrible comments about all the individuals they were people watching. Comments about people in wheel chairs, comments about people with disabilities, comments about people's facial features that they had no control over. Comments about the way people dressed (when the woman had no room to talk), comments about children, comments about what was wrong with everyone around them! I wanted to turn to them and laugh and say "so, what do you say about me?" Due to the fear of being punched in the face by the woman wishing to impress her daughter, I decided to keep the comment to myself.

As I sit here writing this entire blog, sitting right next to the woman, I begin to feel bad for her. What kind of life did she have that she feels it is ok to pretend like she and her daughter are the same age? I'll be the first to admit that I was not the perfect teen. I did not think my parents were the coolest in town. But I am now 27 years old and my parents are my best friends. That's because the were parents to me when I needed parents. They guided me, restricted me, influenced me and angered me all through stages in my life where it was appropriate. They knew when to tell me NO and and most importantly, they knew when to let me make my own decisions. For this, I thank them. Thank you mom for teaching me that you do not cuss in front of your parents. Thank you dad for restricting me in high school and teaching me that I was too young to act the way I was (even though I was too young to understand that at the time). You will always be my parents, but I am now proud to say you are also my best friends.

park city, ut

2009-04-21T17:42:00.010-07:00

I'm in Park City, UT for work and love it here! The weather is perfect, in the high 60s, and the sun is shining bright. I was eating lunch today on the patio at a little cafe by the store. The view from my seat was snow capped mountains. They could not have been more than one or two miles away. Even though most of the snow was melted off, it was still breathtaking to be outside enjoying beautiful weather and seeing the mountains.

After work I drove to a little trail and had myself a little run. I snapped the best pictures of myself as I could. There was a nice creek running along side the trail.

I have never ran through such a beautiful scenery. Minus the .3 mile path past the cow fields, they were stinky.

scan

2009-04-12T19:05:00.006-07:00

I rent a lot of cars and drive through a lot of towns. I rarely bring cds with me so I am forced to listen to the radio. I don't remember when it started, but some time ago I began to put the radio on scan and just leave it there. It usually only happens on drives that last more than an hour and only when I am out of town. This evening I scanned for three hours. How in the world can scanning for three hours possibly keep someone entertained let alone awake for a drive lasting that long? Well, I'll tell you. It is not the radio scanning that I am paying attention too. But rather the chasing thoughts flying through my mind. I will hear a song and it will bring back a memory and that memory will lead to another memory and then I will hear another song that reminds me of a completly seperate memory and before I know it I have been scanning for hours just thinking. It may still be hard to understand how any person would not get annoyed at listening to scan for more than ten minutes, but I guess I am a different kind of person.

Of course I stopped the scan on a few songs. Here is a short list of what I could remember:
Kenny Loggins: Footloose
Tom Petty: You Don't Know How It Feels
Jason Mraz and Colby Callie: Lucky
The Script: The Man Who Can't Be Moved
Bryan Adams: I Do It For You
Bellamy Brothers: When I'm Away From You
Billy Currington: Good Directions
Madonna: La Isla Bonita

thanks, but no thanks

2009-03-24T20:57:00.002-07:00

On Saturday, March 7th, I auditioned to sing the National Anthem at a MLB game for the Arizona Diamondbacks. It was a very difficult audition because of the two to three second delay over the stadium speakers and they made everyone start in the middle of the song to save time. Approximately 200 people auditioned. I received an email today thanking me for my audition and letting me know that I was not selected for the 2009 season, but was encouraged to audition again in 2010. I would have to say, singing the National Anthem at a MLB game would be a pretty big accomplishment. Therefore, I will audition again in 2010! And will probably have to audition again in 2011 and 2012 too :)
Here's the audition for those of you who have not seen it.

a delay for your thoughts

2009-03-13T16:22:00.008-07:00

I am in the Albuquerque airport. My plane leaves in two hours and is currently on a 40 minute delay. I used to say my life was one big delay. The phrase first came out of my mouth while waiting in an airport less then a year ago. I had decided to add up all the hours I had previously spent waiting in airports (bad idea). But I think I can apply the delay theory for other things that have taken place in my life.

College was delayed. I finished my undergrad in 2006 when most of my peers had graduated in 2004.
My career was delayed. I started my career at the age of 25 when most people in my same position start at the age of 22.
A relationship with my sister was delayed. I moved away when I was 18 and my sister was 13. I missed her whole teen years and was not a "big sister" for her when she needed a "big sister." We didn't develop a solid sisterly relationship until I was about 25/26. Now I can tell her anything and know that she will always be there for me. I can officially say my sister is one of my best friends. I miss her and would give anything for us to live near each other.
Speaking of friends, life long friendships were delayed. When most people were growing up with their life long friends, I did not meet mine until college. I met my besties in my early twenties and I know in my heart that we will have life long friendships. I can't say that I regularly talk to anyone from my childhood (relatives don't count).

As for my future, I think that is delayed as well. A part of me says I'm ready, lets go! But then there is the part that says, hold on, not yet. For now I will suppress the eagerness to move on up and out and try to be content with holding on. Holding on for my future, no matter how delayed I feel it may be because in hindsight there is nothing wrong with getting a late start. Especially when everything turns out all right in the end.

my week's end

2009-03-06T15:25:00.010-07:00

I am sitting in an airport right now. My plane leaves in 1.5 hours and I have a one hour layover in Las Vegas before I finally return to Phoenix at 10pm. I spent this last week driving around New Mexico. I can't say I really learned anything by working in the three small towns I traveled to this week. What I do know and had already known is that I am not a small town girl. Each of the towns had populations under 33,000. That's about equal to the amount of people at the University I attended. Below is a map and a seek and find game!

Can you find the towns of Clovis, Carlsbad and Hobbs?

my favorites!

2009-02-28T15:42:00.001-07:00

I spent the first part of my day moving and cleaning (thanks for the help, Janis). When I got back to my new place a big box stood on the counter. A big flower box! With my name on it! Turns out my two best friends from back home sent me flowers. And not just any flowers, gerbera daisies! My favorites. With the flowers came a card with the most sweetest words.

To Rachel and Kerry: Thank you for always being there for me and I miss you both everyday. There is just no replacing friends like you two.

the moon has a friend

2009-02-27T21:01:00.002-07:00

I walked outside this evening to put an empty box in my car. When I turned around, the itty bitty crescent moon caught my eye. Next to the moon shined the brightest star I had ever seen. My heart sunk a little when I immediately wondered if Kyle was looking at the same bright star. Upon further investigation of the marvelous night sky, I discovered the bright star to be Venus. I took a picture:

"To the love of my life
All my family and friends
Near or far
Where ever you are
I pray that you are safe tonight
As I stare up to the night's bright light" -- BMD

back to the old routine

2009-02-26T19:56:00.001-07:00

I went back to work today after taking three days off. It was hard to concentrate and I was holding back tears all day long. On the drive home, I let them all go. It was weird driving home because I would have usually called Kyle to see what our plans were for the evening. I wish we had plans. I ended up just moving more stuff into storage and then going home.

My first email to Kyle was sent tonight. It ended up being much longer then I expected. I hope to write him everyday so that I can keep him up to date on what's going on in my life. The only thing is that he won't be able to read any of them for three weeks. He'll have a lot of catching up to do.

waiting

2009-02-25T20:44:00.001-07:00

My world has completely changed over the past two days. The love of my life left the country and will return in a couple of years. My sister was in town to help me adjust to the change and to help me get settled into my new home. His old home. It is very hard to be here right now as everything reminds me of him. I keep thinking he's in his bedroom or will walk into the living room. I drive around town and I see places we used to go. I hear songs that remind me of him. It will take awhile to adjust to him not being here and I am relying on time to heal my heart. There are big plans for the future. So for now, I will wait. I will wait for the future. For our big plans.

I miss you baby and can't wait to hear your voice again.
Love,
Brooke

mind of

2009-02-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

when i grow up

2009-02-04T19:07:00.001-07:00

I have a scrapbook from the 4th grade and page asks what I want to be when I grow up. My answer: A Singer. Eighteen years later, my answer hasn't changed.

in a perfect world

2009-02-04T18:47:00.001-07:00

In a perfect world bad things would never happen. But if bad things never happened then good things wouldn't be good things, they would simply be normal things. The good things would just blend in and never stand out as being good because all that would be known and all that would be expected would be good.

Bad things happen to everyone on a daily basis: bad luck, bad days, bad moods, bad friends, bad cars, bad jobs. Someone asked me once, "aren't you angry that bad things happened to you?" Well, no I'm not angry. I wish they never happened, but I'm not angry. I've learned from mistakes that may have led to a few bad things. And for the bad things I had no control over, I can only hope that my knowledge would prevent it from happening to someone else in the future.

So good things...well those happen to everyone on a daily basis too. But why is it that I am reminded of the bad things more often than the good things. I think I need a mental cleansing. Wouldn't that be grand! A mental cleansing that wiped out all the bad memories to make room for the good memories to come. In a determined effort to completely forget and block out any memory that resembles one ounce of negativeness that took place in my life, I have developed a horrible memory! Go figure.

to prepare or not to prepare

2009-02-03T19:54:00.002-07:00

Sometimes you can prepare for events that take place in your life. You can prepare for a test. You can prepare for a new career. You could prepare for a wedding. Sometimes you cannot prepare for events that take place in your life. You cannot prepare for a car accident. You cannot prepare for food poisoning. You cannot prepare for a fire.

Why is it all the things I say you cannot prepare for have a negative connotation? I did not mean for it to come across like that, but it seems as though the things you cannot prepare for are the things you do not wish to occur.

But that is not always true!

Sometimes you can or cannot prepare for the birth of a child. Sometimes you can or cannot prepare to win the lottery. Sometimes you can or cannot prepare for an important phone call.

And that brings me to this theory: You are not fully prepared for something until you can say, I'm ready for it to happen. Life is full of changes and challenges and surprises and blessings. You can ask "why me?" or say "thank you!" You cannot live your life trying to prepare for every what-if that may take place in the future. But you can take life as it comes and know that with or without preparation everything happens for a reason. To prepare or not to prepare, that is the question.

i'm sorry, i forgot to call you back

2009-02-02T17:04:00.001-07:00

It's been a flaw of mine for many years now to lose touch with people throughout the years. It takes time to keep in touch and I tend to make the excuse that I just don't have the time.

I moved to Kansas City from Ft. Worth when I was 14 years old. I can't say that I regularly keep in touch with anyone I knew in Texas unless you count having them as friends on Facebook.

I graduated high school with a class of 400. I can't say that I regularly keep in touch with anyone from high school. Wait...I take that back. I have a friend name Jenny that I still talk to. We went to high school together, but here was a six year gap after high school where we didn't say one word to each other.

Moving on.

I spend four years living in Columbia, MO. I try to keep in touch with my besties from there, but I need a kick in the rear to get me back in the grove of picking up the phone and saying whats up.

once upon a time

2009-01-29T21:16:00.002-07:00

They say, good things come to those who wait. Thank God he made me a patient person.

I think every girl has her life planned out by the time she turns 18. She knows the kind of house she'll live in, when she'll get married, the number of kids she'll have and even their names. But then life takes over and dreams get pushed aside. Dreams of being a famous singer or a high school algebra teacher. Dreams of being a foster parent or a dog owner.

Of course I still have all of those dreams. I think about them everyday. But it seems the older I get the harder those dreams are to obtain. So now my dreams have turned into goals. Goals of passing the CIA exams, goals of becoming an Advanced Auditor. And most importantly, goals of making it through the next two years. Success is a great achievement, but what good is success without happiness. To me, happiness must be achieved before success becomes fulfilling. For now, I will wait. I will work on my goals of success as I wait for happiness. True happiness. True love. True friendship.

"For all my days are spent in wonder of what the future will unfold. And as I wonder I will wait for the day my true love returns." -- BMD